Lessons from Malala Yousafzai: The "Guilt" of Taking a Break

Burnout can hit us all. Whether we are a Nobel Laureate or not, we all need to take care to rest and recharge.

“The guilt is always there.”

It would be hard to name anyone who has done more to campaign for women’s access to education than Malala Yousafzai – she even stood up to violent Taliban gunmen and nearly paid with her life. 

So hearing that Malala feels “guilt” when she takes time off was… pretty surprising for me.

If you’re a regular reader of this Bulletin, you know that I recently wrote about my own worries that I was taking on too much – and that I was in danger of burnout. (Thanks for all the kind messages of support, btw. I was really touched.)

When I interviewed Malala for a recent Yale event – burnout was one of the topics I wanted to cover. I know Malala has a busy life and is passionately driven to improve the rights for women… so I wasn’t entirely shocked to hear that she too struggles to balance all these commitments. 

When the issue of burnout was raised, Malala immediately brought up how she sometimes feels like she isn’t doing enough to address the problems facing women around the world. 

Sadly, I could relate to the harshness with which she criticized herself. 

“You focus on one cause, on one mission and put so much energy into it and then you achieve nothing.”

The scale of the problem that Malala is trying to solve is staggering – she estimates that there were more than 130 million girls missing out on education – with tens of millions more now at risk of dropping out of school as families struggle with the effects of the Covid pandemic and the ongoing climate emergency. 

Malala estimates that the spending gap needed to give all girls an education is a massive $200 billion per year (and rising). 

“I do advocacy and I pushed these G7 leaders and G20 countries and other policy makers. And sometimes they say a few nice words. And when you look at the policy… they have not made any financial plans.”

"So it does frustrate you. Is that burnout? That sense that you feel like: ‘Could I have done a bit more?’” 

It’s certainly a feeling I recognise. Often when an ambitious or difficult goal hasn’t been met, I beat myself up and blame a lack of determination or effort for the failure. 

I immediately wanted to tell Malala she’s wrong to be so hard on herself, that she’s doing great and important work and inspires so many others to do good. (And I was also reminded that all of us should be saying these same kind things to ourselves when we’re feeling defeated and self-critical).

When Malala admitted feeling “guilt” about occasionally taking her foot off the gas to rest or have fun I could also immediately relate. Getting close to burnout can often like a vicious cycle – many of us want to rest and recharge, but feel guilty that taking a break might mean we’re letting ourselves and others down.

But Malala said something characteristically wise about this destructive cycle. 

“You have to remind yourself that if you are exhausted, you are not going to be productive anyway, and you're not going to be able to help in your activism and your mission as much as you would want.”

How does Malala rest and recharge, then?

“For me personally, it is spending time with my friends. Even if it's one video chat, even that helps. Just spending time with my family can really help. Or spending time with my partner, and just going for a nice dinner. I love to play badminton and cricket as well.”

I loved hearing these examples!

Social interaction (yes, even over Zoom) is one of the great happiness hacks. Even if you’re feeling super low and like you’d rather be alone – making the effort to see other people can do wonders for your mood. 

And Malala is also right to prioritize sports. I have no idea how you play cricket, but games like this are a great way to both exercise and find ‘flow’ (that happiness-inducing state of mind where you literally lose yourself in a fun challenge). 

The final thing that Malala instinctively gets right is the duration. For many of the happiness science insights I share on this Bulletin, the rule of thumb is “little and often”. We wrongly predict that a break of a few minutes isn’t going to do us any good – so perversely we don’t take any breaks at all. 

Malala knows that’s not true. She’ll stop for a video call, or watch her favorite TV comedy “Ted Lasso”. 

“It sort of distracts you for a moment. And then you are back into your mission with a fresh mind and with a new perspective, and it really helps you to be more productive and more efficient.”

Stay well and stay happy,

Laurie