Why Your Holiday Traditions Matter

It's tempting to drop some seasonal rituals... but don't

In my last article about being happier this holiday season, I looked at the firmly established holiday tradition that tends to increase our stress levels – gift giving.

Aside for exchanging gifts, a lot of us have a long list of things we like to do each and every December. Sometimes these are things we’ve done since childhood - think hanging decorations, trimming trees, baking cookies for Santa or sitting down to watch It’s a Wonderful Life – the holidays are full of repeated behaviors that could be considered rituals.

But if you don’t have any seasonal rituals, or think they're kind of dumb, I want you to reconsider. And here’s why…

Since diving into the science of wellbeing, I’ve been truly surprised by the power of ritualized behaviors to give us a happiness boost. Performing a ritual can be really helpful at times of crisis, such as holding funerals, memorials or wakes after we experience a bereavement. 

When we’re feeling lost or that things are out of our control, rituals can give us a sense of agency once again. Likewise, when we’re facing a daunting challenge, like a job interview or school exam, undertaking a little ritual can help calm our nerves and focus our minds on giving our best performance.

During the hectic holiday season these particular wellbeing benefits of ritual can be super helpful. If all the pressures and expectations make you feel anxious and like you’re not in control of events, taking part in a familiar tradition can do wonders. 

So this year if you’re tempted to skip that annual trip to the ice rink, or duck out of that carol concert, because you’re stressed and too busy… think again. But make sure when you do engage that you do so mindfully – try to commit and be present. Reduce the distractions and really try to connect with the feelings that come from engaging in this long-standing tradition - don't have one eye on the clock.

But traditions also have a special power - one that we really need during the holidays – they can bring us closer to our loved ones and relations, and act as a social lubricant to make holiday meals and parties pass off more smoothly.

“If you report having a ritual you’re more likely to keep getting together with your family for the holidays,” say Harvard Business School professor Mike Norton. “And it’s more likely to go well when you do get together.”

Mike’s a leading authority in this field – having carried out lots of research on the psychological benefits that come from engaging in rituals.

“If you’ve ever been to a family holiday, after a few years it occurs to you that you have nothing in common with these people. They can have different political beliefs or make different lifestyle choices… you’re left wondering: ‘Why am I related to them?’”

Mike says these differences (and potential conflicts) can be overcome if the group can identify and participate in shared experiences.

“It seems as though rituals provide a framework for the fact that we are a family… because we’ve all been eating nanna’s rolls for the last 50 years.”

Eating the exact same holiday meal every year, or getting out the same board game once the table has been cleared, may seem unimaginative or boring… but it’s a simple and powerful way for you all to bond.

The structure that tradition brings can also be oddly liberating. Some families apply almost military precision to the timetable of their holiday celebrations… which Mike thinks averts lots of unhappiness.

“Most family holidays involve people standing around awkwardly, hoping arguments don’t start because of something that happened in 7th grade. Rituals tell everyone exactly what they should do at all times.”

So if your role is to mash potatoes; set the table; keep score at Pictionary; and then drive grandma home – don’t be tempted to mess with your time-honored holiday schedule.

“It actually allows the day to happen… and suddenly it’s all over, and nobody killed anybody.”

If you already have holiday traditions – I hope this newsletter has encouraged you to cherish them and continue to observe them for years to come. If you’re yet to create festive rituals, give them a go in what’s left of 2021. Pick something that has meaning for you and your loved ones; that brings you together; and that you can enjoy year after year.

Happier holidays,

Laurie