Sherlock Holmes and the Case of Friendships with Entirely Fictional Characters

We can form important and satisfying relationships with people we don't know or even characters from TV or literature. They're one-sided, but that's ok.

“I blush when I think about it. It’s like remembering this love at first sight.”

Author Tabitha Carvan isn’t recalling meeting her partner… or seeing her newborn children in the hospital delivery room.

She’s talking about opening a newspaper in a coffee shop and seeing an ad for a TV show starring Benedict Cumberbatch.

And like a clap of thunder, Tabitha had been “Cumberbatched”. 

“Just the sight of this man… pulling on a leather glove and I just had this surprising feeling which I can only describe as yearning.”

At the time, Tabitha was pre-occupied with motherhood. She’d devoted all her thought and attention to raising her two young children. 

“I realized I just didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't hold on to any of the pieces that used to be there.”

Tabitha had seen Benedict Cumberbatch in other TV shows before, but that newspaper ad for Sherlock had tripped something. So she sat down to watch it.

“I just felt more alive and awake in the moment watching this TV show than I had in the years previous raising my children. And that's a shocking thing to say, but sitting down to watch this completely trivial TV show somehow affected me more emotionally than all those years of mothering.”

Many of us have had the feeling of being “Cumberbatched” in one way or another... at least back in the day when we were teenagers. We may have adored a book; or a sci-fi film franchise; or a boyband. We too may feel more alive and awake when we allow ourselves to indulge these passions… when we let ourselves geek out. 

But there’s a catch to geeking out as an adult. While crazed sports fan are accepted, there’s sometimes a societal stigma about adults being fanatically interested in a TV actor or a fantasy character. The joy I might get from fan-girling over Star Wars is blunted by the feeling that it’s not exactly fitting for Yale professor in her 40s. 

“I felt ashamed,” says Tabitha of her Cumberbatch infatuation. "I was using my precious free time and precious free brain space to think about this guy. It seemed like something you should not be proud of. It felt inappropriate. It felt juvenile.”

Tabitha not only beat herself up, she also tried to hide away her Cumberbatch fandom from friends and colleagues. It became a dirty secret. 

But the science suggests that feeling bad about our fan obsessions might be a huge mistake. We should all embrace being “Cumberbatched” – because research shows that letting ourselves nerd out can have an array of wellbeing benefits. 

One surprising benefit is that Sherlock Holmes (and other fictional characters or distant Hollywood stars) can actually become an important part of your social network. At least psychologically speaking.

Regular readers know how important social interactions are to our happiness – from deep friendships to passing chats with strangers. But when we can’t get the real thing, we’re pretty good at finding creative ways to fill those gaps.

The University of Buffalo psychologist Shira Gabriel has done lots of work on something she’s called the 'social surrogacy hypothesis'.

The hypothesis posits that we can find a surrogate social connection with people we’ve never met or who don’t even exist - totally fictional people, like TV and book characters. 

So let’s suppose you have a supportive spouse and friends to hang out with, but you’re also a busy mom, like Tabitha, who lacks a sense of adventure in her life. Your brain will probably be on the lookout for someone, anyone who might fill that excitement gap. 

And if a surrogate happens to come along - say, a fictional character like Sherlock, who’s smart and dashing and hangs out around you every night on television - your brain will quickly latch on.

Being fake friends with Sherlock Holmes may sound dumb, but these one-sided “parasocial” relationships can feel a lot like real life friendships and have been shown to have the same powerful effects on our wellbeing. 

We’re often our best selves when we’re in the company of our good friends – and if that’s not possible, surrogates like Sherlock, Princess Leia or She-Hulk are often just a few clicks away. 

Tabitha, fortunately, came to terms with being “Cumberbatched”. She stopped being ashamed and just went with it (NB. She even wrote a fantastic memoir about her journey -  This Is Not A Book About Benedict Cumberbatch: The Joy Of Loving Something – Anything – Like Your Life Depends On It). 

Her advice to those of us not yet willing to take that leap is simple. 

“You're entitled to it! You're completely entitled to it! To put up that kind of block in reaching your own happiness to me now seems crazy.”