Get Over Yourself
As we embark on 2025, many of us are focused on self-improvement goals. But interestingly, research shows that the path to greater happiness may actually involve getting over ourselves a bit!
So far in our “How-to” season of The Happiness Lab, we’ve covered embracing imperfectionism with Oliver Burkeman and fighting perfectionism with Dr. Ellen Hendriksen. Now we’re learning how to "get over yourself" with insights from happiness expert, Professor Bruce Hood. Bruce is a professor at the University of Bristol in England and the author of The Science of Happiness: Seven Lessons for Living Well. Listen to the episode here.
5 Strategies to Get Over Yourself
Tip #1: Keep a journal. Use old-fashioned pen and paper to write down your thoughts, concerns, and experiences in detail. This helps process emotions and gain perspective on problems over time.
Tip #2: Practice gratitude. Regularly reflect on things you're thankful for, acknowledging how others have helped you. This shifts focus away from yourself and fosters connection.
Tip #3: Use third-person self-talk to give you some distance. When facing a challenge, describe it using your name and third-person pronouns. This linguistic trick creates psychological distance and reduces negative emotions. Think: “Laurie’s feeling unprepared to give this talk.” “Well done Laurie! That talk went great!”
Tip #4: Reframe setbacks optimistically. Challenge negative self-talk by looking for silver linings and reminding yourself that most problems are temporary and specific, not permanent or pervasive.
Tip #5: Get your club on! Join clubs, attend live events, or participate in group activities to feel part of something bigger than yourself. This naturally reduces self-focus.
Ready to start getting over yourself? Listen to the full episode here. And if you missed the previous two episodes of the season, check them out here.
Remember, the goal isn't to eliminate self-focus entirely (that would be impossible!), but to find a healthier balance. As both a professor and a perpetual student of happiness, I'm working on these strategies myself. I'd love to hear which one resonates most with you! (I read every response to my newsletter, even if I can’t respond to every single one.)
Wishing you well,
Dr. Laurie Santos
P.S. Looking for more resources on getting out of your own head? Check out these related episodes:
How to Adopt a Growth Mindset: If we decide that we can't get better at things, or that our ideas and personality traits are fixed... then we hinder our ability to change and improve in enjoyable and fulfilling ways. But by challenging ourselves to be more hopeful about our prospects for improvement, we can see profound changes in our lives. David Yeager, a psychology professor at UT-Austin, explains how we fall into limiting fixed mindsets, and how easy it is to start adopting a "growth" mindset that will allow us to flourish.
Don't Accentuate the Positive: We often think positive thinking is the best way to achieve our ambitions — but the science shows it holds us all back. Learn how champion swimmer Michael Phelps imagined the worst to help make his Olympic dreams come true. It's a mental habit that you can learn too.
Treating the Pain of a Broken Heart: Being shunned by a lover, a school, or an employer hurts — but we're only just beginning to understand how real this pain is and what steps we can take to administer a bit of emotional first aid to stop the experience scarring us for good. In this episode, we explore the science of rejection... and talk to actor/marine/golfer Tim Colceri about one of the most extreme real life stories of humiliation and dashed hopes ever.